They Call Me Stacey
“What's your name,' Coraline asked the cat. 'Look, I'm Coraline. Okay?' 'Cats don't have names,' it said. 'No?' said Coraline. 'No,' said the cat. 'Now you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.” - Neil Gaiman, Coraline
Just a thought I had today. People love their names, reputations, getting mentioned, recognition, etc., but has anyone ever wondered if all the focus we put into the image of our names is leading us further away from who we really are? I think the most general idea behind this lies in the word "stuff". STUFF - you look up the word "stuff" and what it mostly entails is material possession. Oh yeah, everybody loves stuff, and once we get it, we often times have no idea what to do it anymore. I've often said this many times myself, "It's not what they call you. It's what you answer to." But sometimes what we answer to isn't any better than what we're being called.
The time you got cut off on the road and started raging- you were answering. The time you threw a tantrum- you were answering. The time you started a fight- you answering. The time you gave someone a piece of your mind- you were answering. The time you were afraid, the time you were ashamed, the time you let others hurt you more than it should have, the time you cried yourself to sleep, the time you remained silent, the time you ran away from a problem, the time you couldn't face yourself, the time you donned way more faces than you should have, the time you gave up, the time you let something take away your joy, your peace of mind, your serenity, the time you were rude, crass, uncaring, mean spirited, cruel, foul, vengeful. All of these times, we were answering to whatever we were being called in that moment. And if we're being honest, we would all admit that we fall into many-if not all of these categories sometimes. And if we're really being honest, that SOMETIMES is looking like "way too often". I know if I had Zack Morris's ability to "Time Out" myself during intense, critical moments or Adam Sandler's "Click" remote, I would definitely have to do a double take at some of the names I've let myself answer to.
It all comes back to stuff though for me. Examples like this happen all the time: you can't even walk a mile now to save your life. "I still got that world champion athlete trophy from forever ago". Professor, most of what you said was completely wrong. "That PHD doe!" (granted your professor probably won't say that, but who's telling the story here?) But it almost seems like even just having our name on something, having a title, having the authority to make sure somebody (or everybody) "gets got", or thinking we deserve something, turns us into a different person more times than we're willing to admit. We get that "Mmhmm" syndrome.
Jimmy got my back! It's great to have a friend that you can Fallon...haha (yeah, yeah....)
We get so attached to the image that is associated with our name, that we can't even deal with it when something disrupts that image- even when it's reality hitting us in the face. Mmhmm. But there's something very profound in the cat's message back to Coraline; "We know who we are, so we don't need names." You ever wonder how many things we would let go of, how many things we would stop caring about, getting defensive over, how many things we would stop hiding, fighting over, deflecting, or trying to showcase almost as if to overcompensate, if we really knew and understood who we were? Speaking of being defensive, check out Felicia (You can tell some people really got thirsty because of "Bye Felicia!" Overcompensating much?)
Just to clear the air, I'm not talking about simply a name anymore, I'm talking about everything. ( I know, I know. I seem to be talking about everything a lot) But everyday, who you are is being challenged, and everyday you answer to whatever life is calling you- whether you've noticed it or not. And it always brings my mind back to most of the highly circulated media of our current culture. Almost all of the media that you hear, see, read, etc., seems to be doing this, "You're a freak, but it's okay to be a freak if everyone acknowledges you. Yeah, we do drugs. Of course we rob people, and shoot up people we don't like. You know we do whatever we want, even THAT. It's all a part of who we are, screw society- look at us, we're OUTRAGEOUS!" And it kind of makes me feel like those are the most insecure people, who need something to cling on to, or who need the attention, because a) they really don't think that all the talk they're talking is anything that beautifully made up, or b) they know almost none of the behaviors portrayed are anything to be proud of, so they have to normalize all of the outrageous activity somehow. I often think, "Isn't it just easier to be comfortable with who you are, regardless of whatever circumstance?" Sadly, the answer is no. Maybe not in solidarity, but at least in the outcome, because being comfortable with yourself, with no audience, with no controversy, with no drama bombs, doesn't put your name out there (with all the stuff attached). Stuff, stuff, stuff. And we all want stuff, and we all want people to see our stuff, and we all want others to think our stuff is great. There are not many people who are just comfortable with themselves, who don't need drama, don't need to be outrageous, don't need a big following, or have an agenda, etc. to get in that state of mind-at least in some level, or to some degree.
But can we call him maybe? Hmm...
Stacey was overlooked in "Stacey's Mom", Fergie wanted people to know she was too delicous for her real name "Stacy" (I'm the F to the E-R-G- the I the E), and even the Ting Tings felt a little bit salty about the name Stacey. What is so horribly wrong with being a Stac(e)y, and why does nobody want to be one? I think Stacy is a perfectly wonderful name. Speaking of names, I know we're all familiar with the Bruce/Caitlyn news that started WW III earlier this month (as if it wasn't being televised for months now). Now, I'm not going to get into it, because "Ain't nobody got time for dat!", waaaaaaaaaay too much has been said about it from everybody and their mamas, and, lastly, I just really don't care (not in the ironic sense of not caring just to not care, but rather what's happened has happened and no amount of internet fighting is going to change that). Caitlyn is happy being Caitlyn and you can't stop it. However, I will say this: the whole incident showed that a name; an identity, carries a lot of stuff with it that doesn't just go away.
It showed that we're always being called something; something which can't be ignored, and something that WILL be answered to, regardless of how we feel. And in these moments, everyone on the outside looking in, shall also be called something that WILL be answered to. And everyone will have to answer this question: "Who will you be?"
The time you loved, even when others weren't deserving of it- you were answering. The time you stopped responding with harshness and anger- you were answering. The time you lifted up your brothers and sisters without trying pull down others- you were answering. The time you honestly and respectfully shared your heart with someone- you were answering. The time you were courageous, the time you were kind, the time you didn't exact revenge on others, the time you didn't say "I told you so", the time you were understanding, the time you took a step back to see and feel what others were feeling instead of blocking them out in favor of shoving your two cents in, the time you were a shoulder to cry on, a blue sky to enjoy, a starry night to guide the way, a hand to hold, a smile, an idea, a spark, a flame, a FLAME; one that burned not, but rather illuminated the goodness in yourself and others. Every time you were one of these things, all of these things, or witnessed someone being these things to you, you were answering to what you were being called. And people might not remember your name, what your title was, or how it all happened, but they won't be able to look past the feeling within themselves, knowing what was done for them.
We weren't born with titles, or roles, or opinions. We were, however, born with something which to be called. And that should always be kept in check, expanding, changing (for the better, I hope), and it should always be something that we should always want to answer to, for what's in a "name"? Everything. Everything is going to call out to you at any given time. What will you answer to? Who will you be? These are my thoughts from calling one the children I mentor by the wrong name, and the purest "I don't know" as a response to why it was so upsetting to be called something other than. It was a fascinating thought for me too, because I've neverreally thought about it either. It's always the small things that we often neglect to think about, but, everything can be reflected on and become a teachable moment if we're willing to take the time to understand more than we assume we know.
Make good decisions, love one another!
