W.W.J.D.?

What's goodeth with ye, my brethren? Verily, I say, thou shall hopeth within mine whip!

A couple of weeks ago, I had the great honor of attending the Missio Ecclesia conference, in which Alan Hirsch; missiologist, founding director of Forge Mission Training Network, co-leader of Future Travelers, an innovative learning program helping churches become missional movements, and super cool Australian sounding man (I mean he a pretty big deal, but he ain't bigger than Jesus! I said it!), gave a presentation on the many faces people give Jesus to suit their needs, instead of casting the image of Christ as he was, because it might upset people, and sadly, even people within the church. Thus, I have decided to put my own spin on it, and create a little thing called W.W.J.D. No, not that strange hippie movement with the bracelets of many colors, and everyone asking you "What Would Jesus Do?" when you got into a fight at school, got into a fight at home, listened to secular music, listened to your "dumb" friends, played Mortal Kombat (that "K" made it serious), talked the devil's Pocket Monsters, put a hamster in a microwave, or broke into someone's house and kidnapped their children while dressed up like Tinkerbell, scattering glitter everywhere (It wasn't me, it was...a friend). Yeah....anyways check out Alan Hirsch's work, and you can follow Alan Hirsch here

So, let's begin! What Would Jesus Drive? It's time for Mambo Number 5!

5. Mercedes Benz

And Jesus wins the gold medal for gymnastics! USA USA USA

Forget about B's, I got Q's on my head and all the other letters take a cruise on my head. Bruce Lee's chillin', reading news on my head, and Jesus ghost ridin' in a Mercedes Benz! Why a Mercedes? Why not? They are classy, gleaming, glistening! They are worth a fortune! Everyone would be like, "The Lord hath blessed ye!" as you ride around town, and isn't that always great? You know what they say, "Show how great your life looks, and I'll tell you that you serve an awesome God!"

4. A Unicorn!

Jesus Christ was a man! He was a BIIIIIIIIIG man!

The number four pick in the NFL, NBA, FBI, NBC, FCC, CCPD, and the SVU! Everyone wants a unicorn, you ain't been born till you ride a unicorn. And so, as Jesus was both born, born again, sent to die, and then resurrected, he's got like 1000 unicorns. Why we ain't got no unicorns? Why everybody ain't got no unicorns? You know why you don't have any unicorns? Because you don't listen. That's why you need to pick up Joel Osteen's new book. Just keep putting more money in that giant smile of his. Everybody knows those who are really following the Lord have stuff!If you don't have a personal jet and a vacation house on an island, what have you really ever done? Get your life together, Beth! And to those of you who think unicorns are fake, I say: YOU'RE FAKE!!!!!! What'chu gonna do now, sucka fool?

3. Arceus, definitely Arceus!

Fire, Water, Grass - unite! They are precious in His sight!

POKEMON!!!!!!! GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! And no, this isn't ALMOST the same as the last one. The major difference is that Arceus is real, fool (duh)! Do you know the power of the elemental plates?!?!? DO YOU HAVE TIME TO HEAR ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOR ARCEUS? DO YOU? Well, if you don't that's fine too, but there is no escaping my MEAN LOOK! Let's get super serious though, right now! If there's one thing I know, it isn't much. Wait... But I do know how to catch those little critters, and I've striven to be the best, that no one ever was, many times! So you can trust me when I say, "A pocket full of onions is more stupendous than a rock in a paper balloon. You're welcome. If Jesus can catch all the Pokeymans, so can you whipersnapper! Fishers of men? How about fishers of Gyarados? Amirite

2. Honda Accord

That Jesus fellow was an amazing guy! 4.0 GPA, captain of the football team, sweet ride, and he's so modest too...

As we near the end of this list, the lesson should be all about what's important. Reliability, integrity, protection, safety, and trustworthiness should be at the top of the list. So look no further than a Honda Accord! Only 12 easy payments of $349.99!!!!! Nothing beats a good deal! Nome sane? And that all wheel drive tho! Jesus, quite literally and figuratively, take the wheel! Probably not what Carrie Underwood had in mind, but she ain't bigger than Jesus either! So y'all better recognize! Is it everyday that you're walking down the street? Well, move over Arthur, aardvarks can't drive Hondas! So don't be an aardvark, drive the car that Jesus would drive, but not talk about! In the name of the Honda, and Scion, and the Hyundai spirit!

1. Jesus Would Drive All of Our Foolishness Out of His Sight, Because He Was About His Father's Business!

If you made it through this ironically blasphemous blog post, then thank you, and God have mercy on your soul. But in all seriousness, Christ wasn't concerned about our images, or material possessions, how many great things we do and say, or what positions we hold, and how important we purport to be. He was about His father's business. Jesus drove out demons, drove wedges between the world and those who he set free. Jesus drove out those who made a mockery of His father's house and the holy temple. Jesus took the wheel and showed us the example of what it truly meant to be set apart, or holy. Jesus drove out oppression, hunger, disease, and apathy. And most importantly of all, when Christ was faced with death on the cross as he bore the spikes driven though hands and feet, was beaten beyond recognition, and mocked publicly, instead of being defeated, he drove some spikes of his own and bridged the gap between the powers of darkness and the hosts of heaven! So what would Jesus drive? He would drive all of us to be better, do better, and live better. Being in a church doesn't suddenly mean you have everything together, having possessions doesn't mean anything, and your titles and accolades amount to nothing, if you aren't doing anything that benefits others. As Paul put it in Corinthians, "without love, we have nothing" - paraphrasing, of course, but all these years later, and it all rings true. And since this whole month will be 3/16, what better to do than keep John 3:16 present in our minds, hearts, and souls, as a reminder of what Jesus would drive, and what should be driving us on a daily basis.

Make good decisions, love one another!